Recommended Homework During Psychotherapy with Couples and Individuals 

Suggestions for Processing With the Client

This assignment has two parts—one to be completed by each of the partners within the relationship. It is recommended that each partner complete the homework independently and bring the results back for sharing and processing within a conjoint session. Take the opportunity to teach both partners the key concept that mutually satisfying relationships necessitate each partner being willing at times to sacrifice his or her own needs and desires and choose to meet the needs and desires of the partner. Also teach the partners that each of them should take personal responsibility for reasonable satisfaction of some needs outside of the relationship.

Meeting Each Other’s Needs

Suggestions for Processing with the Client

Suggestions for Processing with the Client

Parents find it difficult to express expectations in behaviorally specific language—so do therapists. We must patiently try to shape parents’ behavior as we process the rules that they develop. Also, be careful to bring to light unspoken rules that are left unlisted, but actually are very important for harmony in the household. Use counseling sessions to review lists and to model or role play positive reinforcement of rule-keeping behavior. Watch out for negative consequences for rule breaking that are not “tied to the crime” and are too protracted.

Parenting Methods

Rules are best kept when there are as few as possible; they are stated clearly and in a positive direction; obedience is recognized by reward; and disobedience is either ignored (if a minor violation) or met with a consequence that is swiftly administered, brief, not harsh, focuses on the offensive behavior and not on the child, and is somehow related to the broken rule. This exercise helps you think about what your rules are for your child and what the consequences for his or her obedience and disobedience are.

Think about, discuss, and then write out the three most important rules of the household for your child. Write them concisely and clearly so there is no misunderstanding as to what is expected from the child. Also, be sure to write them in observable terms and in a positive direction. For example:

Example A

Bad rule: Johnny must stop causing so much trouble with his sister.Better rule: Johnny must keep his hands off his sister, talk to her softly and politely, and allow her to finish her TV program before asking to change the channel to his preference.

Example B

Bad rule: Johnny must take his schoolwork more seriously and be more responsible about homework assignments.Better rule: Johnny must attend all his classes promptly and regularly, complete and hand in each assignment on time, keep the rules of the classroom, reserve at least 1 hour per night for quiet study, and obtain no grade below C–.

Example C

Bad rule: Johnny must not explode in anger whenever he is told he may not do some activity or must stop some activity he is doing.Better rule: When Johnny is told what he may or may not do, he must accept the parental or teacher limits calmly and respectfully, carrying out the request within 30 seconds or less.

Three Most Important Rules

1. 1. _______________

2. 2. _______________

3. 3. _______________

(p. 512) When rules are kept or reasonably obeyed, it is easy to take this behavior for granted and not acknowledge it. But when the goal is to build self-esteem, increase compliance, and reduce conflict with authority, then it is advisable to focus positive attention on obedience or compliance. Find ways to reward obedient behavior whenever and wherever it occurs. Rewards do not have to be elaborate, expensive, or even concrete. The reward can be as simple as “Thanks, I appreciate that” or an affectionate pat on the back. At times, it may be appropriate to stop and talk about how pleasant it is for everyone when rules are kept, respect is shown, and conflict is at a minimum. Finally, some rewards may be more concrete such as a small gift, a favorite meal, a special outing, a privilege granted, or an appreciative note left on his or her pillow.

Now list four ways that you could show positive recognition to your child for keeping the rules.

1. 1. _______________

2. 2. _______________

3. 3. _______________

4. 4. _______________

Obviously, rules are not going to be kept 100% of the time by any child. The difficult task for a parent is to decide how to respond to disobedience most effectively and reasonably. Two cardinal rules for punishment: First, do not react when and if your anger is not well controlled; postpone action but make it known that you are doing so. Second, keep your focus on the child’s behavior that is out of bounds and do not disparage, name-call, swear at, or belittle the child; give consequences with an attitude of respect.

Consequences should be given as soon as reasonably possible after the disobedience—long delays before consequences reduce effectiveness significantly. Consequences should be brief and tied to the offensive behavior, if possible. Long and extended consequences breed resentment, cause hardship for the enforcers of the consequences, and are not any more effective than something more pointed and brief. Finally, be sure to be consistent in giving consequences; both parents have to work together. Misbehavior should not be overlooked one time and addressed the next nor should it be overlooked by one parent and punished by the other.

Now list two possible consequences for each of the Three Most Important Rules that you listed previously.

1. 1a.

2. 1b.

3. 2a.

4. 2b.

5. 3a.

6. 3b.

Suggestions for Processing with the Client

Clients often feel they responded to a frustrating situation in the only way possible. They fail to realize that they have choices and control over their behavior. You may want to review the alternatives to rage listed in the first section of the assignment to help the client understand the alternatives he or she could apply when dealing with frustration or anger. Review the client’s journal material and suggest additional constructive ways to respond to frustrating or hurtful situations that prompt his or her mismanaged anger.

Anger Response Alternatives

Application to Daily Life

In the columns that follow, describe the date and time, the situation that prompted the angry response, the destructive response, and the alternative constructive response that might have been used. In the final row, instead of writing a full description of the alternative, you may simply enter the alphabetical indicator of the constructive alternative, A through I.

Repeat recording situations in this format as often as necessary.

Suggestions for Processing with the Client

The client’s depression may interfere with his or her ability to recall pleasant activities and he or she may censor many of these activities, feeling he or she does not have the energy for them. Encourage him or her to brainstorm (p. 514) freely. If it is necessary, this assignment can be done within the counseling session rather than relying on the reduced motivation of the depressed client to fulfill the requirements of the assignment. Perhaps the brainstorming and scheduling need to be done within the session and the homework is that of implementing the activity and recording its impact. It is recommended that the client monitor his or her mood before, during, and after the event to focus him or her on the positive effect that the event has on mood. Review and reinforce the client’s success in improving his or her mood using the satisfying activities.

Pleasurable Activities

People who are depressed almost always withdraw from participation in activities that they once found satisfying, rewarding, pleasurable, or just plain fun. It is very important to break this cycle of withdrawal and to begin reinvesting in the activities of life, the relationships around you, and the things you do well. A starting point for this task of reinvestment or reinvolvement is to create an inventory of all those things that you found to be pleasant events in the past.

1. 1. On the lines that follow, write down a description in only a few words of those activities that you found pleasurable and pleasant in the past. These enjoyable activities should include (1) positive social interactions (e.g., spending time with a good friend), (2) useful or productive activities (e.g., caring for your child, doing a job well), and (3) intrinsically pleasant activities (e.g., a meal at your favorite restaurant, listening to favorite music, taking a warm bath). During this brainstorming session, allow yourself to freely recall any pleasant and enjoyable activities without censoring them based on whether you think you have the energy for them or whether they are feasible. You may want to ask significant others to give input to your list, but please remember that this is your list of personal pleasant activities and must reflect events that you find enjoyable.

2. 2. Now select from your list of pleasant events seven that you believe are most likely for you to engage in. In the seven lines, list those activities and then to the right of the activity, write a few words that describe what was positive about the activity or why you found it pleasant or enjoyable.

3. 3. On the following lines, schedule one pleasant activity per day to which you are committed. Include the time of the day and with whom you might share the activity. (p. 515)

4. 4. On the following lines, record the activity engaged in and the degree of satisfaction on a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high) that was felt during and after the engagement with the pleasant event. Also record the effect that the pleasant event had on your mood using a scale of 1 (no positive effect) to 10 (strong uplifting effect on mood).

Suggestions for Processing with the Client

Graduated exposure to a feared object or situation has proven to be a very successful approach to extinguishing a fear response. This assignment focuses the client on the phobic stimulus and its effect on his or her life. Then, the client must develop a gradual hierarchy of exposure steps to the feared stimulus. You probably will have to be directly involved in constructing this hierarchy with the client. As preparation for beginning the in vivo exposure to the feared stimulus, it is recommended that you teach the client some behavioral and cognitive anxiety-reduction skills, such as deep breathing, progressive relaxation, positive imagery, confidence-building self-talk, and so on. Monitor and reinforce his or her implementation of these skills as the exposure program progresses. Urge the patient to increase exposure as anxiety diminishes to the current step.

Overcoming Fears

Fears that are so strong that they control our behavior need to be faced and overcome. This exercise helps you do just that: Identify what your fear is; describe how it affects you; develop a plan to face it systematically; and, finally, actually take steps to face your fear and win.

1. 1. It is important to clearly identify what you fear and how it affects you emotionally (e.g., feel nervous and tense), behaviorally (such as avoid contact and/or do not talk about the feared stimulus), and physically (for instance, heart pounds, forehead and palms sweat, stomachache, nausea). Describe what the feared object or situation is and then tell how it affects you.

   To overcome a fear, it must be faced in a gradual but systematic fashion. We call this exposure. When you practice exposure in the proper way, fear steadily diminishes until it does not control your behavior or affect you physically. The key to the process is to develop a plan for gradually increasing exposure to the feared object or situation. Once the plan is developed, you then expose yourself one step at a time to the feared object or situation. You do not take the next step in the gradual exposure plan until you are quite comfortable with the current level of exposure.

   For example, if your fear is that of driving alone on the expressway during heavy traffic, you could design a plan as follows.

   Step 1: Drive on the expressway for 5 minutes at a time of light traffic with a supportive person to give reassurance.

   Step 2: Drive on the expressway for 5 minutes at a time of light traffic, alone.

   Step 3: Drive on the expressway for 10 minutes at a time of light traffic, alone.

   Step 4: Drive on the expressway for 15 minutes at a time of light traffic, alone. (p. 516)

   Step 5: Drive on the expressway for 5 minutes at a time of heavy traffic, alone.

   Step 6: Drive on the expressway for 15 minutes at a time of heavy traffic, alone.

   Each next step is taken only after the fear is low or gone in the current step.

2. 2. Now create a gradual exposure program to overcome your feared object or situation. The steps can increase the time you spend with the feared object or situation, increase your closeness to it, increase the size of the object, or a combination of these things. Use as many steps as you need. Your therapist is available to help you construct this plan, if necessary.

   1. Step 1. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   2. Step 2. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   3. Step 3. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   4. Step 4. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   5. Step 5. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   6. Step 6. _________________________________

      _________________________________________

      _________________________________________

   Now it’s time for a gradual but steady exposure to your feared object or situation. Stay relaxed. Your therapist may teach you some deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and positive self-talk techniques that you can use to keep yourself relaxed. For each attempt at exposure, record the coping technique you used and rate your degree of fear on a scale of 1 to 100, with 100 representing total panic, the sweats, and heart-pounding shakes. The rating of 1 represents total calm, complete confidence, peace of mind, looseness, and relaxed feeling. When your rating is reduced to 10 or lower on a consistent basis for the exposure to a particular step, then it’s time to consider moving on to the next step.